I'd give this book a 5 star rating. It has helped me tremendously with anxiety issues. It hits primarily on the anxiety component and not depression, so if you're looking for a resource just on the anxiety piece, this is good:
https://www.amazon.com/Letting-Go-Fear-Thoughts-Perspective-ebook/dp/B07GRK4SXR/
I've been through some stuff and have been blamed or been told to 'get over it'. This book might help you process the information without bringing it up with your family.
I'm very sorry to hear about what you are going through. You have done nothing wrong. Wishing you all the best. You might find the book "God Can't" (or even just browsing its description on Amazon) helpful, which gives what I at least found to be a really helpful explanation of why terrible things happen to good people even in a world with a loving God who does not seek to punish people.
>I had a vision of heaven and my mentor blamed it on my antidepressants being messed up. That really hurt. Lots of other advice.. like it’s a sin to love yourself. Etc (just things that probably should NOT be said).
Sad to read this. :( Although mentors can be helpful at times, they can also lead us down a path that leads us to more confusion and depression. This is why the Bible is clear that the Holy Spirit is to be our teacher and not to put our hope/trust in man (or a woman as in your case.)
Maybe you would benefit from reading this book I recently read called "Broken Trust" https://www.amazon.com/Broken-Trust-practical-spiritual-Overcoming-ebook/dp/B073491BLN
Over the years there have been many different people in the church who have left me feeling more wounded and hurt than those outside the church, strangely. It is really painful when those we look up to end up being the ones that cause us to question the love of God and the goodness of God. I have been watching videos by an amazing Christian counselor named Diane Langberg. It has been painful as it has opened up some deep wounds from past trauma for me (here is one I was watching yesterday https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_fRZFfGA80 ) She has many other videos that speak about various subjects regarding trauma and healing.
But she speaks in such a way that really has brought me hope, healing, and is helping me to understand the love of God in a more healthy way.
Praying for you!
What worked for me in overcoming panic attacks and anxiety was working through this book. It's written by a professional counselor and has lots of really solid biblical guidance for trusting in God and experiencing peace. I highly recommend it.
https://www.amazon.com/Letting-Go-Fear-Thoughts-Perspective-ebook/dp/B07GRK4SXR/
Are you familiar with the term "spiritual dryness?" It's quite a common experience.
If it's just confession that doesn't feel emotive to you, I highly recommend Lord, Have Mercy: The Healing Power of Confession by Dr. Scott Hahn. I read it on a vacation, weeping through most of it. It got me back in the confessional after 4 years away. HTH!