Oh man, this is good. Where do you get your ideas?
I also work in a conservative environment and always struggle with white elephant at Christmas because they make it soooo boring with like 5 different blankets and candles etc. I've moved on from the safe gift of wine because if I'm gonna waste a whole evening I need something more entertaining. Last year I did the 50 Shades of Chicken cook book. It was hilarious until the poor lady that barely speaks English picked it and no one would trade with her. :(
> discipline the parsley with a knife and mix it with a salty, acidic mustard dressing that complements the bird.
Reminds me of passages from this book: https://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Shades-Chicken-Parody-Cookbook/dp/0385345224
The recipes are mostly simple and straightforward. The introductory passages that precede each recipe are uh...not. This book is my go-to gag gift for anyone culinarily inclined. Here's a passage from the book, copy, pasted from that amazon page.
> The way his apron hangs from his hips already has me all wobbly. But as he coats my thighs with sticky liquid I can hardly contain myself. Is it the wine, or is my aroma starting to drive him crazy too? He heats me up fast, it won’t take much too?
> He heats me up fast, it won’t take much to finish me off now. His lips quirk up to a smile. My own juices are mixing with the coating and running all over the place. I get the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic feeling up and down. It’s epicureanism run wild!
> He spreads my thighs out on a plate. Sticky hands and at least five wet napkins. What will the housekeeper think? Who cares?
Nothing says fun like a bird with a nice tight tie!
https://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Shades-Chicken-Parody-Cookbook/dp/0385345224/
Pretty sure this is a legit book so...
Should imagine it goes well with 50 shades of chicken
Probably from Fifty Shades of Chicken
Thank you for that link. It led to this gem.
the back cover of 50 shades of chicken:
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/91jpu53pb4L.jpg
https://smile.amazon.com/Fifty-Shades-Chicken-Parody-Cookbook/dp/0385345224?sa-no-redirect=1
https://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Shades-Chicken-Parody-Cookbook/dp/0385345224
In case you wanted more
While not as awesome, it would appear that there's a sequel ... Fifty Shades of Chicken
There's actually a 50 Shades of Grey cookbook parody. 50 Shades of Chicken. http://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Shades-Chicken-Parody-Cookbook/dp/0385345224/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354242720&sr=8-1&keywords=50+shades+of+chicken
And here it is. - Via /r/TheWackyWorldOfAmazon