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The Psychology Behind The Cuckold Fetish: How It's Caused, What It Means About You, And How To Change?
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This book is about the psychology behind fetish porn. It's a very interesting read. It definitely gets to the root cause. I'm only on page 80, but highly recommend it.
When I was still with my gf, I started noticing a cuckolding fantasy that would turn me on like nothing else. It then evolved into picturing her being gangbanged at gatherings she would go to without me.
I alternated between being concerned and not thinking much of it and just enjoying the pleasure.
Eventually I started acting needy around sex and she was put off. She pulled back, set boundaries and expanded her own life/individuality. My fantasies became even more overwhelming until they were not able to cover up the "I'm worthless" core wound.
Everytime she would go out with friends without me I felt intense existential pain to the point of having suicidal thoughts. I actually had to be the one to break up because I felt like the relationship was killing me.
Looking back, I can see that the cuckold/cheating fantasy was a first hint at my underlying belief/feeling that I'm worthless. That which led to me having a codependent/needy relationship with my ex. I did not have a life of my own that could bring safety, self-esteem, autonomy and connection and relied almost exclusively on her for all those.
I had to learn this the hard way, the breakup was excruciating.
Now being single, I find the fantasy has shifted from cuckolding to scenes of premature ejaculation. Girls finishing off guys quickly and seeing them be embarassed. This is still covering the same wound of worthlessness and powerlessness. I notice the fetish come and go and it doesn't have nearly as much power as the cuckolding one had previously since I'm aware of what it's actually pointing at.
I'm hoping your situation is not nearly as bad as mine and maybe you just have a healthy and innocent fantasy 🙏 If this does resonate, I wish you the best on your journey, brother.
I'll add some quotes from this book. See if they resonate with you. https://www.amazon.ca/Psychology-Behind-Cuckold-Fetish-Caused-ebook/dp/B07QBNLXQJ#
"The crucial point from the last chapter is that the cuckold fetish simply turns a feeling of inadequacy into sexual pleasure. Fetishes are a way for the brain to deal with some really painful things. Inadequacy is one of the most painful things someone can feel - it represents complete failure as a human being. Our brains turn that into pleasure in the form of the cuckold fetish."
"In summary, a sense of inadequacy leads to finding pleasure in inadequacy- confirming scenarios either as a way of being protected from these hurtful feelings, or as an escape from self- awareness, or as a way of receiving validation. These explanations explain the same thing through different angles and levels of complexity. If you’re still unsure about exactly why fetishes form, or if all of this seems too confusing to you, then ignore the complexities and stick with the summary: fetishes form to protect you from deep- rooted emotional pain."
https://www.amazon.de/gp/product/B07QBNLXQJ/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i0
I have found this really helpful.
The central message is this: The humiliation/sissy/cuckold fetish is a symptom of a subconcious feeling of inadequacy. This feeling was most likely cultivated in childhood with parents who are very judgemental, would react extremely negative, whenever you do something wrong or are narcissistic.
Take a look at this: https://howtostopbeingacuckold.com/symptoms-of-subconscious-inadequacy/
Subconcious inadequacy probably negatively affected your life in other areas than sexuality.
I don't want to go into detail about how to fix this, but the short version is:
1) Break the conditioning that connects this kind of porn and pleasure...Nofap basically
2) Internalize the fealing that you're not inadequate, that you are actually quite alright. Millions of people are like you. You're not especially inadequate.
3) Take care of your needs. Practice self care, connect with people that make you feel good, etc.
The book 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' is also recommended a lot. It's about something the author calls Nice Guy Syndrome: Nice guys hide their needs and true self from others in order to be respected, because they're convinced, their true self is inadequate and repulsive.
John Bradshaws 'Homecoming' also goes into a lot of detail about healing subconcious inadequacy.
...and get a good book about porn addiction,
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