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i sympathize with your situation. And I agree you deserve to be taken care of.

However, I must caution you against marrying for this sole purpose. It might put a strain on your marriage.

The abuse that you have been subjected to (similar to all the other children who have been forced to take on their parents responsibilities) will have damaged parts of you which will manifest during your relationship.

A book I always recommend which might be interesting for you, which might help overcome the effects of the abuse:

https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X (there is an audible version too)

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>"GANYAN KA NAMAN PAG MAY KAILNGAN KALANG MABAET" and then wont stop sending a lot of messages sa messenger that really hurt kahit tapos na pagalit niya sa house mag memessage pa ng hurtful words
>
>i dont want to say my parents have been abusive to me

There are many types of abuse.

Read/listen to this: https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X

While some might say your situation is "less severe" than some cases, it doesn't remove the fact that you ARE in that situation.

Move out - we are forced to tolerate our parents "quirks" (to put it nicely) when we are kids because we have no other choice. But as adults? Life is too short to have that every single month. (PS life wont get much better when menopause hits)

So you have to choose between [COMFORT with TOXICITY] vs [DISCOMFORT with LESS TOXICITY]

Start saving up (Secretly) so that when you do decide down the line, you have ample buffer funds to move out

I am glad to see that you reached a different stage in your life.

The scars emotionally neglectful or even abusive parents leave on kids are indeed a concern for future generations.

However, don't give up yet - you can see if you can work on overcoming these scars to allow you to have children of your own. Here is a good book to start with - https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X

It also has an audible (audio book) version - easy listening on your mobile phone.

It helps one recognize how certain acts were neglectful and starts one on the path to recover.

Hope it helps.

>online job c/o my aunt abroad (output-based salary). My aunt sends my salary to my parents' account because she said she can't add more accounts for remittance according to her bank (Wells Fargo).

Tell your aunt to use Wise.com (formerly called Transferwise) to transfer funds to your bank account. The lower fees is another reason to use them. I've been using them for years.

Depends on the age and the manner of discussing.

The older the child, the more direct/detailed the discussion can be. But definitely, during formative years the discussion should be very limited and with a goal of assuring the children.

Don't get me wrong - I completely agree that "adult"-ifying children is not ideal and in some cases can be instances of emotional neglect.

If you are an adult and your mom is sharing with you her problems with your dad (who, for example is beating your mom or otherwise maltreating your mom), maybe there is a better response than "I don't want to listen to your fights because I want to preserve my image of my dad, without it being tainted by stories of how sucky he is as a husband".

You'll either have to a) stop worrying or b) do something about it.

You might want to read: https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X [also available on audible]

There's also a follow up book that I cant seem to find now

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Good luck

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PS I was only referring to "listening" to her talk about marital problems since that was the context of the post. And if your other siblings also don't want to listen to your mom's problems, then they shouldn't also

> Our mom is inattentive, cold, and is far from a homemaker. I

I recently learned that this has far more of an impact than expected

https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X

While I share your view on people abusing "her feelings are valid" to justify shitty behavior, there might be something else at play here. At the very least, its something from the above book, at worse... it could be something else scarier. How is your sibling's relation with your dad? with your uncles etc

>Lagi akong nasa top 1 pero nung nag Grade 4 ako, lumagpak ako sa Top 5. Kahit na anong gawin ko ay di ko mahigitan ang mga classmates ko. Doon ko unang nakita ang mama ko na umiyak sa harap ko habang nasa kalsada kami. Halos humiga na sya sa kalsada sa sobrang disappointment sa akin.

Your mom is a grade A asshole for doing this to a Grade 4 kid...

DO NOT HARM YOURSELF.

Focus on long term goal - graduate. Earn money. Save money in secret. Move out. Be free.

PS Read this book or listen to audiobook - https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X

Legit naman na may mga tracing/tracking activities na nangyayari online. Pero it's not easy as "hiring some IT guy". VPN lang or Tor good na sayo yon. Tas ingat lang sa pagdownload lalo kung dun galing sa email/communications mo with your siblings. Wag basta magdownload ng mga executable files, spreadsheet etc. Or kahit na din pictures galing sa kanila, parte na din ng pag-iingat yun.

Madaming cheap na vpn diyan na maganda naman, personal preference ko is Mullvad. Pero kung Tor naman bet mo, free naman yon. May app sa playstore na Orbot ang pangalan. Typically gagamitin mo siya pag need mo mag-email sa kanila or something.

it's not ranting.

Not a lot of people can overcome what OP went through by themselves and come out as emotionally health human beings.

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Read please: https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X

hahahaha been there IMO eto lang masasabi ko

- ung first week mo explore mo ung mga gastos mo every day and make a reasonable budget from it moving forward(including din leisure budget boring pag lage tipid mode)

- STICK TO THE BUDGET this is very important

- kung me kasama ka pag usapan nyu na hatian ng rent and utilities para iwas "issues"(pag me pabigat kayu na kasama na nagiging freeloader evict that shit)

- kung me kasama sa lilipatan mo specially kung bedspacer ka secure your valuables/documents (hindi sa wala ka tiwala sa kasama mo but still pag nawala yan or something nga nga ka)

- ask kung pwede mag cook sa place mo kung cannot be pa ask kung pwede ka mag dala rice cooker (hehehe madami ka pwede lutuin sa rice cooker aside sa kanin like adobo hahahahahaha!)

- buy an extension cable para mas madami dumami electrical outlets

- invest sa magandang electric fan

- invest in a personal refrigerator(very important lalo na pag pwede ka magluto sa liliptan mo as cooking by yourself is a lot cheaper)

- since hindi mo owned ung place techincally renter ka practice a "minimalist lifetyle" this is to avoid clutter sa place mo and make moving to other aparments hell of a lot easier

- last but not the least kung doorknob lang ang lock ng kwarto/aprtment invest on this somthing like this "https://www.amazon.com/Mooche-Guard-1Pcs-Security-Stainless-Anti-Theft/dp/B07WGS5QC6?th=1" (“It's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.”)

You are correct.

Making children take care of children in replacement of parents is a form of emotional negligence.

Try to listen to this (there's an audiobook) to help repair some of the damage (NOT AN AFFILIATE LINK):

https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X

It is unfortunate that this type of culture is easy to inherit. Your father may have inherited it. your brother appears to have inherited it.

You are in danger also of inheriting it and passing it on to your children.

Do not be afraid to seek counselling.

In the meantime while you are still deciding, I encouraGE you to read / listen to https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X

Suggest reading this to break the cycle

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https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X